you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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