remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
