So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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