Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
