You're completely useless in the revolution.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
