that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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