I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
