textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
