Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
