If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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