Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
