There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
