I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
