Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
too bad you live with your parents still
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
