you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
