At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
