So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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