He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
