I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
