I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
God, I missed his penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
