Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
