i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
