I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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