PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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