everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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