I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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