I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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