i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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