Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
