are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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