Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
