So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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