He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
