The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize