Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize