I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A bitchslap is in order.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
