I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
