I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
