guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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