the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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