at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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