dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
