you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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