quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
