once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
