she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
