I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
