I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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