Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
