he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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