Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
