i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
