she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
