My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
