I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
