i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize