So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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