I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
