chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
time to smoke my breakfast
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
