Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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