i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
