Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
