how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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