you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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